I am beginning to feel that I actually don’t know my body.

My body knows me now

My body owns me

My body is like a ball and chain on my ankle depriving me of all the things I love to do

My body exerts it’s control over me

Like a bullet train on tracks

I feel powerless

I’m at the point where I’ve been trying everything in order to feel better

But I’m exhausted

Shooting pain randomly

Mind numbing burning pain

It’s almost as if I can feel my uterus wrapping itself around my body

And strangling me

This is misery

This is depression

Because my body limits what I want to do

Hearing others ask “why the cane”

And just saying chronic illness

Because one, they don’t really want to know

And two if I told them, it would be like speaking another language

Because not that many people have heard of my disease

Some of them, doctors

Have you tried Tylenol?

….. sigh

They don’t even have the ability to wrap their mind around my life

Stop complaining

When I was your age I …..

Believe me, I could complain a lot more

Most of my complaints are comedic or ironic

But some of them point out the reality of ableism

They point out the isolation that disability often comes with

They point out the broken door openers

They point out uncomfortable chairs

They point out how much I feel like I’m a burden to my friends

To my family

To my school

They point out that if I just had a frogs body, I would live in an ideal world