The Pain Alarm

I woke up screaming in pain today

But I felt worse about waking you up 

I woke up screaming in pain today

Upset because I knew that I’d have to cancel work

Upset that I let my clients down

Upset that I would disappoint them

Or look unprofessional 

I woke up screaming in pain 

But all I could think about was continuing to lose financial independence 

Continuing to face this cycle and system of oppression 

I woke up screaming in pain today

But all I could think about was how other people felt about it

Acknowledging my pain as just a part of life

But not taking the time to validate my own feelings

I woke up screaming in pain today

But I did not tell myself that it’s okay to take the day

I shamed myself, perpetuating the ablest ideologies of capitalism 

That my worth is based on my productivity 

And that I should give my all to others

Well, my “all” each day varies

And I shouldn’t be wasting it on minuscule things 

When I could be taking care of my body

When I should be putting myself first

The oppressors live in our minds

Their ideas are interwoven into the fabric of our society 

Integrated into our schools’ pedagogies

So much so that we don’t even realize that many times, we are continuing the project of oppression ourselves 

Remaining complacent that these ideas are okay, just a fact of life

But complacency in an ongoing revolution will leave you nothing but trampled in the dirt behind

I woke up screaming in pain this morning 

But tonight I rest, 

still struggling to accept that rest is productive 

But tonight I rest

Because there is a revolution in our communities 

And I have to be energized (well as much as I can be) and empowered 

To be a part of it

I woke up screaming in pain today

But now I rest

And prepare for a better tomorrow